“I really did EVERYTHING I could!” is something often said by people whose relationship came to an end. When asked about this, it often turns out that they did do everything, but specifically everything they thought was necessary. Based on their own needs, and not their partner’s.

Interpretation of needs

People differ when it comes to interpreting needs. Take, for example, LOVE. Everyone needs love in their own way, and everyone enjoys feeling loved. But what do you need – specifically – to feel loved by someone? What has to happen for you to feel loved? In training sessions, we sometimes jokingly say: “As a man, I feel loved by my woman when I get home from work and she has dinner on the table, hands me a beer and my slippers and doesn’t nag me for the next few hours.” Hilarity all around, of course. That being said, you’d be surprised what answers you get when you ask people this question. In all seriousness, this could be exactly what someone needs. It’s often a careful balance. One person might feel loved when they receive a present or flowers, while another needs a big hug or wants to hear the words “I love you” at least ten times a day. Another might need sex to feel loved. And we’re only talking about love as a human need right now. The differences between men and women play an important role here.

Ask what the other person needs

If you want to take your relationship or marriage to the next level, don’t give your partner what you want to receive. Ask your partner what they want to fulfil their needs. Not just their need for love, but also other human needs, like security, significance and growth. Be as specific as possible. Then both partners can give each other what they need instead of what they THINK the other person needs. Success guaranteed!

90-Day Programme

Learn about the six most important human needs and how the differences between men and women play a role. Are you looking for support in this area? Then start the ‘90-Day Programme’ with your partner.  Make an appointment for a free initial interview through this website.